乳がん患者の語り

And I was really quite matter of fact with it I think, it hadn't sort of, I think it hadn't sort of hit me at that stage. I didn't cry or anything, you know, when he said it was malignant and needed to be done.

Because then I had to go home and it was beginning to sink in at that stage, what worries could be, you know. And I had to tell my husband. But I obviously didn't tell him very well because about, long after the operation, he asked me whether I had got cancer.

So I obviously hadn't, I think I was trying not to worry him. My way of sort of doing it was not to tell very many people you know and people were surprised that I'd had breast cancer and so on.

And I've always been like that. I never like people to know I was ill or anything, you know. And then so everybody is different. The cost of not telling people is that you don't get the sort of sensitiveness and so on, kindness and so on. But I would like somebody to say: "Oh I'm so glad you're well," not "oh you poor thing, you've got breast cancer," you know.

They say that there's something that they put on sugar beet which gives you cancer. I can't remember the name of it. But you know there are all these theories, not for eating it but for being with it. And when I was in Lincolnshire I went round a sugar beet factory and I was quite near the sugar beet.

But I think probably you have to be near it for perhaps ten years or so you know. But you sort of hear all these things and I do not know what gave me cancer. I don't smoke. I drink a little but they say that's good for you.

I'd never been in hospital before so it was quite strange to me. And they asked me what I'd like to be called and I said: "Well, [name] you know and so on. They put that on the door. And the nurses were very nice and kind and they came and told me and the consultant came, told me what would happen.

And the, on the morning of the operation I had a little sort of, kind of sleeping pill or something to make me relaxed I think. And then I went down on the trolley and they gave me a little injection.

And the next thing, I was a bit worried having never had an operation, never been in a hospital before. But they were all very you know comforting and so on, told me what would happen, that I would just doze off and everything. Well the next thing I heard was: "Are you ready to go back to the ward now?" And I was so surprised, you know.

I mean people who have operations probably know that you just pass out and that's the next thing you hear, but I was so staggered you know. I thought my goodness, you know. But there it was and then I was up in my room and I was really quite fit you know. I was sort of compus mentis and thought that you know I'd be pretty shaken and everything but I was alright actually.

All this time I never had any advice at all about possible lymphoedema.

I had somebody come to see me in the hospital before I'd left to give me advice on little things, pads that you could put on your breast.

And I've looked back at the leaflet about the exercise and there's nothing about lymphoedema at all. It's all about doing, sort of putting your arm on your back and everything. All for, quite right, quite right, I mean to give your arm a little bit more strength and so on, but nothing about lymphoedema at all.

Now I'd like to talk a little about the lymphoedema because I do think if it can, if doctors wore jackets. If doctors had it and couldn't get into their jackets they'd do something wouldn't they? I couldn't get my clothes on, you see I can't now very well, and I couldn't wear any suits.

But early in the afternoon, I always have a late afternoon rest and then I'm fine for the evening and don't have to go to bed till 11, you know. We're always up at half past six. So by, by five I'm ready for a rest.

I'm sleepy and I would advise people, even if they're quite young, especially if they've got families, to say: "This is my rest time." Perhaps before the children come back from school or whatever, and have that. That was my change that I always had, made sure if possible to have a rest.

And people feel you're very funny then when they say: "Could you come out and speak on such and such an afternoon?" And I said: "Well, I've got something in the evening you see." They think well: "Why can't she do both?" you know.

I went to the health centre one morning and I got a wonderful nurse called [name] and she not only dressed my wounds but she reassured me.

She told me everything about, you know, how I should feel and don't worry if I feel depressed or tired. Because I did feel tired because of doing all the housework, you know.

And she said: "Well, you know, just say you're not going to do it," and oh she was absolutely marvellous. And every time I see her now I think oh, you know, I remember that time because she was the only one really who gave me help, encouragement. And I was always glad when it was her that I was going to, (then eventually I did get a nurse to come here to do it).