前立腺がん患者の語り

But I think one significant point is back 7 years ago, and this started with prostate trouble, the usual thing frequent loo visits, day and night so sleep was being interrupted. And it was a nuisance in work and I was also making long visits at the time to Africa and so it was a nuisance on the aeroplane as well. And with the groups I was working with and there was a problem with retention clearly, I was going to the loo and having a pee and then finding I had to go back 10 minutes later to finish the job. I mean so that was the sort of basic background. But I had a good medical guide, I think it's not a bad idea, with nice diagrams, I think it was a Macmillan guide and I kept looking at that and that proved to be quite useful. But as it was a nuisance I went to see my GP and the response I got I think is typical, he said 'Well that's normal,' I was 59 at the time.

An appointment was made, but the appointment was a month later, well not a month later, but 17 days after the MRI, which seemed to me to be excessive so because of this pressing a slot appeared earlier and the urologist was able to see me earlier and action was prescribed, this hormone treatment and radio therapy. We looked at various options and these are the two that were stressed.

The urologist I must say seemed peeved at my attempt to accelerate things and it did seem to me that we were following a very standard, I'm familiar with text books having spent my time in a book shop looking at them, we seemed to be following a very text book approach, repeating much of what I'd already read. And it was strongly biomedical approach as you would expect, I had had been struck again and again by the fact that our specialists seemed to be a very, very strong on the physical side of what they're dealing with and fine that's excellent but there is no mention of anything psychological, no mention of any alternative medicine, no mention of any other ways of treating it, no mention of anything you might be doing yourself to help which was a little surprising.

And not only that but when you mention it yourself 'Well perhaps you know if diet shifted,' because I've already met people who've worked on diet and seemed to have done very well from it, that might be a useful supplementary approach, 'No evidence to suggest that, there has been no evidence,' that keeps coming up, it's almost like a refrain and has happened continuously since then with specialists. This time he did not seem too comfortable with the questions I was asking, I was very ready for it and wanted to know specifics.

I had shifted my diet as well, I moved to more vegetarian stuff, more fruit, slashed the fat, the meat, the dairy, the salt, well overboard on this one and in the summer time I dropped about a stone in weight, people who met me in the street thought it was the end of the line and nearly passed out (laughs) so that was a bit extreme. And looking at the stuff that is available, there's a lot of very useful and pleasantly written information available that tells you about diet and balancing and also during this radiotherapy phase it is important to have a sensible balanced diet, you need to build yourself up.

And then later on the Zoladex implant, 10.8mgs of Goserelin, and there were side effects there that have grown stronger, the hot flushes for example. Actually these are mostly quite a pleasant experience on a cold day (laughs) to tell you the truth, but one experience where I was sitting at the back of church and listening to a lecture and got through 10 minutes of this very interesting lecture then I really felt like fainting which is unusual for me and so I missed a good 10 minutes of that and what was occupying my mind was who on earth is going to carry me. But that, that was the, I really felt very, very hot, very sweaty and very faint, almost like an attack of malaria, it was rather like that.

I think there were positive aspects of this, shock, for me anyway, it was a shock to the family too, shock to my wife, particularly to my wife. It certainly sharpens up your life goals and you know you start getting your financial things in order and you have some idea of probabilities. I'm used to working in probabilities so I'm never expecting certainty in this life but nonetheless it gives you some feel for how you might get on.

Yes well when it was diagnosed definitely cancer there, well I suspected it. But my own point of view at this age, I mean I'm not really worried about that, you face up to death and so on and I've had to think about that a lot in my life beforehand anyway and I have a faith that helps in that respect.

As far as my wife was concerned she was very anxious, she was very anxious indeed, not only her but all her family and my family you know were anxious too. And so I think anything that's needing to know and talking about it and understanding the odds I think is very helpful. But what shocked me most was her shock actually, I should have expected it but I didn't. But then following that is a flood of concern as well you see from other people, sometimes to excess in my case, I'd rather not have too much, but I had no problem talking about it.

Because of this cancer centre various programmes are arranged, there was one I attended called a holistic therapy workshop, familiar stuff to me but the emphasis was on alternative, alternatives of the biomedical approach to things and that was very interesting and very helpful. And you found, I found plenty of emotional support from other folk there. I'd like to stress that because the people there, all of whom were suffering from cancer, way, way beyond what I'm suffering, were very genuine, as if they were no longer concerned with the things that normally preoccupies one, you know status, money etc. you were on to a very genuine level, and I must say I found that very encouraging and I also had strong support.